Carson’s Birth Story

April is Cesarean Awareness Month, it is also Carson’s birth month! To celebrate I am going to share Carson’s birth story - the long version.

Sometimes, I sit down to write a blog and have absolutely no idea where to start. I feel like this post in particular needs a preface because I was in a unique predicament for Carson’s birth. I spent most of my pregnancy on the fence between a repeat c-section and VBAC. (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) I have no regrets, but it wasn’t a decision I made lightly.

The only hospital in our area is St. Anthony’s Hospital in Frisco, Colorado. It’s located at 9,100 feet and the highest elevated hospital in North America that delivers babies. It doesn’t have a NICU and you have to be at least 37 weeks to deliver. They don’t let mothers attempt a VBAC, either. It’s also very routine for babies born here to be on oxygen for a short while.

If I went with a VBAC I would have had to drive down to Denver (about an hour) and deliver in a hospital I’m not familiar with. After losing Liam I really needed the comfort of a hospital I knew, nursing staff I loved, and the OBGYN I trusted to do a perfect cesarean.

Around 35 weeks I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios. I will refer to my diagnosis as “poly” for the rest of the story. Poly is an excess amount of fluid in the amniotic sac. The fluid doesn’t affect the baby, if anything it gives them more space to move around. It isn’t anything to stress about, however, it solidified my choice to have a repeat cesarean. I had to have bi-weekly ultrasounds to check the fluid. We loved getting to see Carson so close to his due date. The biggest negative to poly, in my opinion, is how large you get.

When you are pregnant they measure your fundal height at every appointment towards the end. The fundal height is the distance between your pubic bone to the top of the uterus. It’s measured in centimeters and typically correlates with how far along you are in weeks. During my last appointment at 37 weeks, my fundal height was 42 cm, or measuring as if I was 42 weeks pregnant. As a 5’1” woman, there was no space to grow but outwards. I couldn’t sleep, I had restless leg syndrome, nothing fit, Carson was constantly kicking me, and I was absolutely miserable.

My 37 week check up and ultrasound was on Friday April 26, around 4:00 PM. That morning I pretty much decided I was done being pregnant. While Will was at work I took a long bath, shaved my legs, did a face mask, and fully packed my hospital bag. When we got to the appointment my OB could see the pain I was in. I “jokingly” told him I was ready to deliver, but between us it wasn’t a joke at all. He hooked me up to the fetal heart monitor, another routine part of the last few pregnancy appointments, and left us for a bit. When he came back he informed us that I was having contractions every 5 minutes. He decided to admit me to the hospital for fluids, in hopes of slowing down the contractions. He didn’t want to send me home right away, he was worried I would go into labor. When you have a planned cesarean they schedule it at 39 weeks so you don’t start going into labor before the surgery.

We walked over to the hospital and got checked in. I met the amazing nurse, Cathy, who would be by our side every night for the entire stay. Have you ever met someone and felt instantly comfortable around them?! Like you have known them for years or in another life. That’s how I felt when I met Cathy. She put my IV in and got the fluids started. Unfortunately, the fluids didn’t stop the contractions and my doctor decided to deliver Carson that evening. Around 8:00 PM they brought me back into the operating room. That same amazing nurse held me while the anesthesiologist placed the spinal tap.

I never realized how wonky my back is until I had to get an epidural. While I was in labor with Liam the anesthesiologist had to place the epidural needle SEVEN times before it was in the “correct location”. Apparently the discs in my lower spine are very tight and she had to go in a different way than normal. In my opinion, the spinal tap was a more cringey experience than the epidural.

With Liam, I was in labor for over 24 hours before I agreed to have a c-section. I was full of drugs and physically exhausted by the time they did the surgery. Liam’s cesarean went perfectly! Will was already holding him in the OR while I was still being stitched up. I remember explicitly telling Will to not give Liam to me because I would drop him. I was physically shaking and in and out of consciousness. I barely remember that day at all.

That night the OR had a very relaxed vibe, everyone was welcoming and warm. They set everything up quickly and then Will walked in all suited up. It was my second time going through this procedure and I felt very comfortable.

They began the cesarean and after a few minutes I heard a big splash - my water being broken. At 8:33 PM they pulled Carson out! He let out a loud squeally scream.

Then it went quiet...

I could feel the tension in the room rising. Will stopped taking pictures, there was a look of fear on his face. 

I couldn’t see anything but I was wide awake. All I wanted to do was jump out of that bed and help. Worst case scenarios were rushing through my mind. I was stuck, physically unable to do anything but wait.

After what seemed like an eternity I heard Carson crying again. They rushed him to the nursery to get his oxygen levels up. Thankfully, Will was able to stay with Carson the entire time.

I had to go back through the pictures to see how much time actually passed before Carson was safely in my arms. It felt like hours while I waited in our hospital room. I was wide awake and in no pain, just anxiously waiting to hold my rainbow baby. They finally walked in and we had our moment.

8:33 PM

8:34 PM

8:37 PM

8:46 PM

8:58 PM

9:17 PM

10:27 PM

A little while later the pediatrician came in to chat and check on Carson. Her theory is that when they broke my water it gushed out so quickly that the placenta buckled. Causing Carson’s air supply to be cut off and him to swallow a lot of fluid. Thankfully he started breathing on his own before they had to perform intubation. She said that Carson was the bluest baby she had ever seen!

The rest of our stay was a breeze. Carson got stronger every day and didn’t even need oxygen by the time we were discharged. I did amazing physically. I was up and walking the next morning. My milk came in and Carson latched better than I could have ever dreamed.

1:42 AM - April 27th 2019

My mom arrived on the last day of our hospital stay to help with the transition home. She was there on discharge day for Liam, too. Will and I actually love being alone during our hospital stay. We never ask people to visit. It’s our special time to bond with our new baby.

I was a hormonal mess after Carson was born. Carson was so tiny and fragile. The last time I held a baby was Liam, on the day he passed away. There were a lot of emotions and tears those first few weeks. A lot of overcoming fears and my PTSD being triggered daily. I started seeing a therapist a few weeks after Carson’s birth to help with my transition back into motherhood. She helped me tremendously, I highly recommend talking to a professional during the postpartum period.

I thought planning a repeat cesarean would make me feel in control of the situation. That it would ease my anxiety of having a baby after losing one. At the end of the day I was reminded that when it comes to delivering babies - I will never be in complete control.

2:42 AM - April 27th 2019