Conquering Bath Time

Yesterday I gave Carson a bath, all by myself! What seems like a mundane task for most has been a huge fear of mine.

The last time I did bath time alone was the day that Liam died. He literally died minutes after that bath. He lost consciousness while still wrapped in a towel burrito.

When Carson was born I let Will do bath time. I told myself I was giving Will a chance to bond with Carson. The truth is that for almost nine months I sat and watched, terrified that if I helped something horrible would happen.

I don’t know why I decided to take that leap of faith yesterday. There was nothing special about that day. It was an ordinary Sunday and we were bored. So I warmed up the bathroom and ran a bath for us.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared the entire time. It wasn’t until he was done and dressed that I took a sigh of relief.

I gave Carson a bath by myself and he didn’t die. It was a huge win for me and my healing process. I refuse to let Liam’s death define Carson’s life. I refuse to live the rest of my life in fear of the unknown. I am healing. It’s a slow process, but I am healing!